The way she looks at me
by Polly Little
Summary: I'll be missing you every day, every time I close my eyes and feel your voice in my ears, every time I swallow and feel your laugh against my lips, every time I breath in and smell your hair, every day, every day I'll be missing you. Nataliya didn't plan to kiss her brother's exchange partner. She didn't plan to spend the next year looking for her, either. BelaLiech
1. Prologue

Warm hands trail like fire over cold skin, burning, caressing, setting off sparks of ecstasy that linger then fade.

Hands flit through hair like dancers in a studio, pulling, twisting, always gentle, but always there.

Legs tangle together like strands in a tapestry, over and under, trapping yet freeing all at once.

Eyes meet shining like dew on a spiderweb, sea blue and sea green, asking for more time to waste, to share.

Lips embrace like forbidden lovers, sinful and pure, laughing into each others mouths at the secrecy of it all.

Feet sway like trees in a storm, strong and steady, the only part still grounded against the rush of the wind.

Ears find footsteps like a funeral drum, close but distant, in another time apart from this small room.

Fingers twitch like deer in the headlights, deliberate and furtive, whispering a last goodbye to someone never seen again.

 **A/n: Cross posted from my Tumblr, written for the Femslash February event, and because I love this pairing.**


	2. Missing me

It wasn't something Nataliya planned to do. She doubted it had been top of Erika's priorities either. Yet here they both were, in a tangle of limbs on the guestroom bed with only the lamps outside to illuminate what they were doing.

"Will you be missing me?" Erika whispers. "When I am not here, will you be missing me?"

 _Every day,_ Nataliya wants to say. _I'll be missing you every day, every time I close my eyes and feel your voice in my ears, every time I swallow and feel your laugh against my lips, every time I breath in and smell your hair, every day, every day I will be missing you._ But she doesn't know how good the other girl's English is, so she pulls her closer and tries to convey all the emotions with her entire mouth instead of her tongue, with the tears stinging her eyes, with her hands trying to pull Erika in and never let go.

There's a crash from the bedroom door. Her older brother is standing there, a bewildered look on his face as he wonders what Nataliya is doing with his German Exchange partner.

"Vanya, I –" Nataliya leaps away from Erika as if she's been stung.

"Wir sind gehen aus die Fleugzoid in funfzehn minuten," he struggles with the German at first, far more used to speaking English, or better yet his native Russian. "Nataliya, you will help Erika get her suitcases, da?"

She breathes a sigh of relief thinking she's off the hook, but then she catches sight of his smile, eerily lit by the streetlights outside. This isn't the end of it, she'll hear more when he gets back from the airport, and the thought of it leaves a lead weight in the pit of her stomach.

"Da?" She's kept him waiting.

"Da," she nods, and turns to help Erika off of the bed.

She's already up, and won't turn round even when Nataliya awkwardly touches her on the shoulder. By the sound of things, she might be crying.

 **A/n: So, I don't know how long this will be, but it'll be updated fairly regularly.**


	3. Three Promises

Three promises. She had made him three promises. Stay safe, don't come home with a boyfriend, and remember to smile. Only three, the same three as usual, and yet she couldn't even keep one.

The first, she'd broken almost immediately. Stepping into the road to grab her wind-snatched hair ribbon, Erika had completely forgotten that cars drove on the other side of the road in this country, and was nearly crushed twice. Once by a gigantic black Land Rover that had come bearing down upon her, and the second time by Ivan, who succeeded in pulling her out of harm's way, but almost suffocated her by hugging her in relief.

The second, she'd never seen as an issue. Although she was sure that she could if she wanted to, Erika had never had, nor desired, a boyfriend. Even if her partner was Eros himself, she'd much rather talk than flirt. As it had played out, she still didn't want a boyfriend, and couldn't see that changing anytime soon. Almost as soon as Nataliya opened the door, wearing only a navy blue jumper dress despite the cold weather, she had known something was different. She'd worked out exactly what falling asleep that night.

The third… she always saw the third as the hardest to keep. Erika never quite understood her own emotions, preferring to cue her reactions from those around her. Of course, this meant she had no idea how to react to more personal events – like her first crush, or being alone in a strange country without any idea how to find the airport. Usually, she had decided, her older brother made her smile. She had thought Nataliya made her smile too, that for once it would be easy to keep her promise, but now she didn't know what to think. Nataliya had been wonderful. Had made her feel wonderful. Then Ivan had appeared, and… Erika knew that she hadn't imagined being pushed away like that, and it hurts her a lot more than the bruise on her shin would suggest.

Three promises, three simple promises, and the first was broken outright, the second broken in spirit if not in name, and the last? The last was a shattered mess, exactly how she was feeling. It had been hard not to cry, so hard, when Nataliya had thrown her away like a used tissue, and she probably hadn't succeeded.

With a heavy heart, she stepped off the plane, wondering how she could explain her mistakes to Basch. He always seemed so organized, so sensible – she wasn't worried that he'd be cross with her, but the fear of his carefully hidden disappointment was far worse than it would have been for any theoretical punishment.

In the end though, there was nothing to be done but to face the music, and try to remember the steps.

 **A/n: uncreative-lesbian-fangirl, this is your doing entirely. (c:**


End file.
